Memoirs From a Peach, aka ME
by PlotOfLife
Summary: Siblings suck. 'Specially when they aren't who you think you are. 'Specially when they drag you into their "secret lives" and act like it's your fault. God, I hate my sister. Writing halted until further notice.
1. Chapter 1: Green Jumpsuits 'n Spazziness

Kudos to whoever is reading this. You have found the personal diary of The Peach.

Why were you looking through my closet?

If you're dad, I'm not surprised. Honestly, why must you assume that bombs are planted in every crevice near your 'little baby', and then go on to search said crevices with morbid gusto? Paranoid freak.

I really hope you aren't dad.

If you're onee-san, fuck off. Just, fuck off.

Pardon my language.

If you're mom, I'm genuinely shocked. Really. I mean, you're the coolest person _in_ this dang family! And you're a _hippy!_

If you're a stalker, all I have to say is this:

Why the heck would someone want to stalk me?

Ahem. Now that that's over with, I'll go on to those who will be reading this when it's published as part of the auto-biography of _moi_.

Because one day, I will be famous. A singer, or an author(cause I got mad skillz). Heck, maybe even an actress!

Yeah, probably not.

But for now, I'm stuck writing in my journal. Not a diary, dammit!

Pardon my language.

Ahem. My adventures in this wonderful new town known as Konoha started… I guess… The day after I moved in?

* * *

I walked out the door, bold as any pretty young thing with my… shall we say… _Distinctive_ hair partially jelled into spikes, dressed in a striped tank top and ripped denim shorts. I had a laptop in one hand, a container of apple slices in the other, and dang it, I was going to surf the web outside or get skin cancer trying.

Of course, the lack of a third arm kind of impaired my ability to eat the slices. The container in my hand didn't have any , and that laptop was pretty darn heavy. Besides, the possibility of it falling and smashing into thousands of tiny pieces was horrifying. How could I live without my access to the world outside of my little 'Insanity: Instant Repellant' bubble?

So, I compromised. The container went to my lips, and the tongue went to work grabbing up those pesky pieces of fruit. I trapped one slice and carefully picked it up, holding it between my tongue and front teeth. In one, quick motion, I tossed it into the air and caught it, chewing and swallowing.

No hands eating FTW!

Naturally, my little moment of personal pride had to be ruined.

Naturally, I was attacked by a loud noise and the color green.

Naturally, I screamed bloody murder and ran back inside as fast as my legs could carry me.

Naturally, I didn't set foot outside again until the first day of school.

* * *

I am not insane. _Not_. Nope, no way, definitely not. Despite what everyone back in Ame(the land of damp-rot and colds) thinks of me, I am most definitely _not_ insane.

I was only attacked by a noisy green monster.

_Not insane._

Just to prove it to myself, I stick my head out the door. No green monsters. I frowned.

The green monster had appeared when I was actually outside… Maybe that was the key? I cautiously inch out, determined to confront the dang thing like those knights in medieval fantasy movies beat the fire-breathing dragon. But wait, they had swords… and armor. Note the lack of armor present. Wait, wouldn't the metal just overheat and burn the poor suckers to death? How did that work? Was it magic armor? I sure didn't have it.

Lack of a brain on my part. Should've bought some when I had the chance… Only I've never had the chance. Because magic armor doesn't exist. Right, Moko? Kindly return to sanity. Good girl.

Anyways, I'm just standing there, looking kind of dumb, when I get glomped.

"_Hello there, Neighbor-chaaaan_!" the Green Monster yells in my ear. Now, I could be wrong, but generally, monsters don't speak, or refer to their neighbors as '-chan'.

Or glomp them. But hey, that could just be me.

I wiggle a bit, since Greenie happens to be limiting my breathing with the bear hug.

"Do… You… Mind?" I manage, eyes bulging slightly. Of course, Greenie drops me immediately, and the air… Well, let's just say, you don't know a good thing until you lose it. I give him a once over, my brain sort of on standby. Then it kicks in.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I'm standing next to a guy in a jumpsuit! A green jumpsuit with neon orange legwarmers! And a bowl haircut! And eyebrows as big as my hand!

Alright, my hand's kinda small, but still! Those are some enormous mother-fucking eyebrows!

Pardon my language.

Oh, and as for my self-doubt… Ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, _ha!_ Take that! I told you! I _told you_ I wasn't insane! Oh ye-of-little-faith, bow down before me, the totally awesome Momoko!

"_I am terribly sorry, Neighbor-chan! I must now repent my terrible actions by running all the way to school_!" Why is he shouting? I'm right next to him, for crying out loud.

Then the meaning of his words actually penetrates my thick head, and I tug him out of his exaggerated "running" position. You know, the one where you look kind of like a swatchstika? Hope no-one gets offended by that, I just happen to know of no other way to describe that position. So sue me. Actually, you know what? Don't. I can't spare the cash.

"You go to KonoHigh?" I ask, trying my best not to gape at those big-ass eyebrows. Pardon my language. "And the name's Hayashi Momoko, _not_ Neighbor-chan." Yikes. Since when have I been such a grouch?

"_Why yes indeed I do, Momo-chan_!" This guy either doesn't care that I'm being a bitch, or doesn't notice. Pardon my language. Then the meaning of my words get through _his_ head(Who told him to get a bowl-cut? Seriously!), and his eyes widen. "Do you go there too, Momo-chan?" A huge grin spreads across his face, and next thing I know, the Green Monster is racing along, me fluttering like a flag behind. Somewhere in the middle of this conversation, he managed to grab my teeny little hand. "_I will repay for almost crushing you by taking you to school_!" For a few seconds, I wonder where his car is. Then I realize he's going to run all the way.

The whole way.

This guy is insane.

"DON'T CALL ME MOMO-CHAN!" I shriek. Hey, priorities first, right? I fight the urge to puke all over this green mutant. We're moving fast enough for the buildings lining the street to blur. How the heck is that humanly possible?

"_That's the spirit, Momo-chan! Fight with the power of __YOOOOOOUUUUTH_!"

He belongs in a freaking padded cell.

Why does this always happen to _me?_


	2. Chapter 2: Emos and OverUsed Colors

Greetings friends! You can thank Iwa-chan for reviewing on the first chappie. I have incredible self-esteem problems. Believe it!

So... Hope you like, and this is pretty long, so I'm very proud of myself. ^^

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but Momoko!**

* * *

Now, to spare myself the memory of my agony, here's a few things about me. I have to get this out of the way some time, so I might as well cut off my screaming at Mutant-Green-Freak-Thingy.

My name is Hayashi Momoko(also known as The Peach, Momo, and, curse my life, Momo-chan). I was born fifteen years ago, in Amegakure. It rains a lot there, so it's nice and fresh, and never too hot.

Do I hate it? No way!

Do I loathe it with every fiber of my being? You betcha.

And while I'm forced to stay in the pit of sogginess and despair, my Onee-san moves to Konoha for her senior year of middle and the entirety of high school. Now do you see why I hate her?

So, I finished AmeMiddle. And it rains. Again. And again. Over and over and over and over and over and over…

You get my drift?

And I decided, that was it, I was going to get my buttockus in gear and go to high school somewhere else. So, I marched myself down to Mom and Dad, and declared that, "Dammit, I'm moving! Pardon my language." Just because you're starting a revolution doesn't mean you have to be impolite.

'Course, dad freaked out. 'Cause I'm his baby girl.

Blech.

But hey, mom calmed him down(somehow), and they huddled in a corner, and talked it over, and the next thing I know, my wish has come true.

We're leaving Ame.

We're moving in with Onee-san.

My life sucks.

And now, I'm clinging onto a boy in a green jumpsuit for dear life, being _run_ to school, all in the name of "Family Time."

Family Time can go to Hell.

Pardon my language.

Mutant-Green-Freak-Thingy came to an abrupt stop, nearly sending me flying. Luckily for him, he caught me just in the nick of time. He looked at me with a hint of concern.

"Are you all right, Momo-chan?" he asked, those suckers over his eyes twitching into a frown. _Am_ I all right?

My hair is pointing in just about every direction imaginable, the wind made my cheeks go all pale with bright spots on my cheekbones, my eyes are bugging, everything is spinning, and I'm shaking.

"Momo-chan..?" he asks, giving my shoulder a little shake. My mouth opens.

"That was… That was…"

"Momo-chan?"

"TOTALLY FREAKIN' AMAZING! YOU ARE _SO_ TAKING ME TO SCHOOL AGAIN TOMORROW!" I glomp him epically. Apparently I've gotten over my grouchiness.

"Uh… Lee?" I turn my head to stare over his shoulder at the group standing right next to us.

"Did you finally get a girlfriend, dattebayo?" a blond boy asks. He's tall, mucho muscular, with big ol' baby blue eyes, and he's got some serious spike action going on on his head. And he's wearing a neon orange coat with black pants.

What is it with this place and being extremists on the color thing?

The girl, who had been the first to speak to us, has bubble-gum pink hair. It's just above shoulder length, and seems natural, if her eyebrows aren't dyed too. Her eyes are way green. The outfit…Was dark pink. Need I say more?

Seriously, is this some sort of custom? Wear too much of one color on the first day at school?

In any case, I detach myself from 'Lee', watching these two carefully.

"Sakura-chan!" Green-Boy appears to have never learned the concept of 'personal space'. He proceeds to glomp her, though she takes it a hell of a lot better than I did. Pardon my language.

"Hey, shouldn't you be, like, freaking out, dattebayo?" I turn to meet the eyes of Spiky. Or maybe I should just call him Blue-Eyes. Really, having eyes that adorable should be illegal.

"Why would I be 'like, freaking out'?" I ask, looking him in the eye while trying not to glomp him like Lee is currently glomping Sakura. Am I using the word glomp too much?

"Well, he is your boyfriend, right, dattebayo?"

"Now, back the elephental stampede up a second! I barely know the guy!" I make furious x-motions with my arms, head whipping back and forth.

"NARUTO, DON'T MAKE DUMB ASSUMPTIONS!" I jump about a foot in the air, which is good, because Sakura appears to have a big temper. She barely misses knocking me down on her way to beat the living daylights out of Naruto. Meanwhile, Lee is urging Naruto to use his 'POWER OF YOOOUUUTH'. In a very loud voice.

What is wrong with this place?

Luckily for my sanity (and Naruto), the bell rings, telling me it's time to move it or loose it.

"Okey-dokey, guess I'll see you later, Lee-san, Naruto-san, Sakura-chan!" I wiggle my fingers, grin cheesily, and run for it.

The crowd at the door is ginormous. It was the same at AmeMiddle. For all the fuss we make about not liking school, we sure seem to be in a hurry to get inside, huh?

Running my fingers through my short, blue hair, I tug my schedule out from the chaos in my bag. Yes. My hair is blue. Care to comment? The schedule read as follows:

**Konohagakure High School**

**Student Schedule: 2012-2013**

**Student Name: Hayashi Momoko**

**Grade: 9(Freshman)**

**Counselor: Mitarashi Anko**

**Period 1, 7:30-8:30 – Consult 'Note'**

**Period 2, 8:32-9:32 – English – Hatake**

**Period 3, 9:34-10:34 – Math – Sarutobi**

**Period 4, 10:36-11:06 – Lunch**

**Period 5, 11:08-12:08 – Free Period**

**Period 6, 12:10-1:10 – Gym – Gai**

**Period 7, 1:12-2:12 – Social Studies – Umino**

**Period 8, 2:14-3:14 – Science – Morino**

**Note: Period 1 will go as follows:**

**Mondays: Advanced Art – Yuuhi**

**Tuesdays: Club(consult teachers for more information)**

**Wednesdays: Health - Jiraiya**

**Thursdays: Club(consult teachers for more information)**

**Fridays: Advanced Music**

Apparently I have Art first. What my dad would call a 'shit-eating-grin' (pardon _his_ language) stretches across my face. I am an _artiste_. My specialization's doodles, but whatev.

The warning bell buzzes, and it is the most irritatingly nasal sound you have ever heard.

My inner musician winces, and I flip off the bell. Yep. I do that occasionally. Well, time to 'wow' my classmates with my mad skilz.

So. Art class.

The teacher, Yuuhi Kurenai, seems nice enough, even if she does look kinda sorta maybe a little itty-bitty-bit like a skank. No offence to her, but were the short skirt and high heels really necessary? Honestly.

The class seemed alright at first. I sat between a weird emo kid and a smokin' hot blond. When I say smokin', I mean smokin'. This guy's hair was longer than mine (that isn't saying much, since it's a pixie cut), and mostly tied up in a ponytail. Uber-long bangs covered one eye, but the left side of his face (Where I got to sit – Yeah me! NO I am not London Tipton. YES I do watch kid shows. Your point?)was oh-so-handsome. Blue eyes, outlined in eyeliner, and Jesus Christ I am ranting over a boy like a rabid fangirl. ZOMG!one!111!eleven!

But seriously, it is _not_ like me. Because I am as cool, calm and quiet as Onee-san. Yeah right.

At least I only rant inside my head.

And at least I have a photographic memory, so I don't have to stare in order to drool inside the safety of my mind.

Wait. Didn't I mention that already? The photographic memory thing? No? Huh. Well, now I have. May your life be enriched.

Anyways, the red head on his other side is equally hot, but kind of…Energy-less? Lee wouldn't know what to do with him, that's for sure.

The emo kid seems pretty cool too. What? I like emos. They're nonconformists(check the dictionary), like me. His coolness in my mind lasted until Yuuhi-sensei finished role call (My name – Which means 'peach' by the way – was sniggered over by a few people. Yuuhi-sensei glared at them, which made her pretty awesome in my book.). She gave us the first half of the period to get to know our neighbors. Then emo kid turns to look at me, a big smile on his face.

"So, how has your day been, Momo-chan?"

He did _not_ just go there. Momo-chan is a _waay _over-used nickname_._

"WHAT'D YOU SAY, YOU LITTLE EMO JERK!" Apparently someone in my class is both really fast and pretty strong, since emo's internal organs are still inside his body. I admit, I was about to do a Sakura on him, but my arms are caught, and while I can still scream, maybe I won't be suspended for the rest of eternity.

For some reason, emo looks confused.

"I'm…Terribly sorry, there seems to be some sort of misunderstanding. In my book, it says when one meets an attractive girl, one should be relaxed and give her a pet name."

Attractive girl? Me?

Say what now?

* * *

Teehee... I happen to like this one... It sort of wrote itself.

Reviews, requests, and suggestions are appreciated, even if I don't always do what you ask me to.

Please and thank-you!

I'll do my best to include the inamous Onee-san in the next chap. Yes, she is a canon character. No, I will not tell you who she is until I introduce her.

Live with it.


End file.
